{"id":4502,"date":"2019-06-24T09:00:56","date_gmt":"2019-06-24T13:00:56","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.singlecare.com\/blog\/?p=4502"},"modified":"2020-10-20T15:56:50","modified_gmt":"2020-10-20T19:56:50","slug":"talking-family-about-migraines","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.singlecare.com\/blog\/talking-family-about-migraines\/","title":{"rendered":"How to talk to your family about migraines"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u201cDon\u2019t bother Mommy\u2014she has a headache.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

I can\u2019t count how many times I\u2019ve overheard my husband say those words to our three kids, diverting their attention as I retreat to a darkened bedroom to sleep off excruciating migraine pain. When my sons were little, this simple and honest approach was the best.<\/span><\/p>\n

As they got older, though, that explanation raised more questions than it answered. My kids wanted to know why I had a headache, why I needed to lie down, and how long it would take for me to feel better and go back to being \u201cMommy\u201d again.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I realized I needed to have a conversation with my kids about living with migraines: what a migraine is and how it <\/span>isn\u2019t<\/span><\/i> actually just a headache\u2014it\u2019s a whole-body event that might, sometimes, affect our family\u2019s day-to-day life. But sitting down for that conversation was harder than I thought it would be; I felt responsible for my migraines, anxious about worrying my kids too much, and guilty about asking for their help.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

These are all normal concerns, according to <\/span>Deborah I. Friedman<\/span><\/a>, MD, professor of neurology at the University of Texas (UT) Southwestern Medical Center and a member of the American Headache Society. In fact, many people don\u2019t open up to their families about living with chronic migraine because it\u2019s such a difficult condition to understand.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThere\u2019s a lot of stigma about it,\u201d says Dr. Friedman. \u201cPeople think it\u2019s just a headache because it\u2019s hard for anybody who doesn\u2019t have migraines to realize what they\u2019re really like.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

RELATED: <\/b>Meet Ubrelvy, the new FDA-approved medication that cures migraines<\/b><\/a><\/p>\n

How to talk to your family about migraine<\/span><\/h2>\n

If you\u2019ve decided it\u2019s time to talk with your loved ones, you\u2019re probably wondering how exactly to go about it. Psychiatrist Richard Robinson, Ph.D., who works with Dr. Friedman at UT and specializes in pain intervention, says the attitude with which you initiate the conversation is critical: \u201cStart from a position of assuming your loved one wants to help you, just like <\/span>you<\/span><\/i> would want to help <\/span>them<\/span><\/i>…you\u2019ll be presenting your point of view in a less defensive way.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Beyond that, there are a few other things to consider when preparing to talk to your family:<\/span><\/p>\n

Choose your timing\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n

Don\u2019t wait until you have a migraine to initiate the discussion, says Dr. Friedman. \u201cIt takes a calm conversation, not during an attack, because pain makes everything worse and you might say things you don\u2019t mean or misunderstand what others are saying,\u201d she explains.<\/span><\/p>\n

Any pain-free time is fine, but I found that it was easier to talk to my kids about migraine in the first few hours after an episode ended because it was still fresh in their minds.<\/span><\/p>\n

RELATED:<\/b> Talking to your doctor about migraine medication<\/b><\/a><\/p>\n

Explain what they can expect\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n

When talking to your loved ones, describe how you might react to a migraine in the moment. Will you look like you\u2019re in pain? Will you need to lie down? Will you need your family members to speak quietly or keep the TV volume low?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

There\u2019s also value in discussing how certain <\/span>prescription medications<\/span><\/a> for migraine might have a long-term effect on your behavior, says Dr. Friedman. <\/span>Beta blockers<\/span><\/a> (like propranolol) and tricyclic antidepressants (like nortriptyline or <\/span>amitriptyline<\/span><\/a>) may sap your energy or alter your mood. <\/span>Topiramate<\/span><\/a>, an antiepileptic drug often prescribed for migraine, can cause side effects ranging from weight loss and mood changes to cognitive impairments like memory loss.<\/span><\/p>\n

I tried taking topiramate, but ended up excessively fatigued and mildly depressed. It wasn\u2019t until my husband called attention to those behavior changes that I realized topiramate may have been the cause, so having a family member look out for adverse medication effects can be valuable.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

RELATED: <\/b>Should you take Topamax for your migraines?<\/b><\/a><\/p>\n

Be specific about what you need\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n

Robinson says people often feel helpless in the face of their loved one\u2019s pain and without specific guidance on how they can help, they may shut down to avoid their own discomfort.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSometimes people just want to be listened to without the problem being \u2018fixed,\u2019 while other times they need to be reassured they\u2019re not doing a bad job as a spouse or parent,\u201d he explains, adding that it will be different for each individual.<\/span><\/p>\n

To help your family members help <\/span>you<\/span><\/i>, try giving them easy assignments. Dr. Friedman says a partner can bring you water or draw the curtains during an episode, or assist you with your regular prescription medication\u2014even going so far as administering injections like <\/span>calcitonin gene-related peptides<\/span><\/a> (CGRPs) if you\u2019re squeamish about needles.<\/span><\/p>\n

Don\u2019t forget your emotional health\u00a0<\/span><\/h3>\n

Although migraine pain is often physically agonizing, the effects on your emotional well-being can also be crippling. Vocalizing your stress to your family is vital to having healthy relationships in spite of your pain.<\/span><\/p>\n

RELATED:<\/b> How to survive your migraine hangover<\/b><\/a><\/p>\n

Dr. Friedman says people with migraine usually feel guilty about missing out on family activities, both small (like birthday parties) and large (like weddings). She adds there\u2019s also an element of anxiety to migraine, because of the unpredictability of attacks, and often one of personal fault or blame. All of these emotional concerns can benefit from open dialogue.<\/span><\/p>\n

Bring in a professional<\/span><\/h3>\n

Finally, Dr. Friedman and Robinson both agree that sometimes an outside perspective is needed to \u201cconvince\u201d a family member that migraine pain is real\u2014and that you need their support. You may want to include your neurologist in the discussion to validate for your partner what you\u2019re going through.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Robinson adds that when a partner receives guidance from a healthcare provider about the effects of migraine, they often become more sympathetic to their loved one\u2019s experience in living with migraines.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201c[Those conversations] can \u2018normalize\u2019 migraine, so to speak, and even instill hope for your partner that there is life outside of migraine,\u201d he says.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cDon\u2019t bother Mommy\u2014she has a headache.\u201d I can\u2019t count how many times I\u2019ve overheard my husband say those words to our three kids, diverting their attention as I retreat to a darkened bedroom to sleep off excruciating migraine pain. When my sons were little, this simple and honest approach was the best. As they got […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":84,"featured_media":10975,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[8318],"tags":[4316],"coauthors":[8860],"class_list":["post-4502","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-community","tag-migraine","wpautop"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nLiving with migraines: How to talk to family about your migraines<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Sometimes migraines can affect the whole family. 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