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Does your father think he’s as “healthy as an ox,” but acts as stubborn as a mule when it comes to visiting a doctor? He’s not alone. According to a 2019 survey conducted by the Cleveland Clinic, only about 50% of men regularly see their healthcare provider for preventive care like vaccinations and screening tests.
What’s more, 20% of men admitted that they had not been completely honest with their healthcare provider in the past, and 72% would choose to do household chores rather than a visit with their provider.
As a loved one, it can be hard to know how to encourage your father to go to the doctor and be mindful of his health. Here, Kate Granigan, a member of the Aging Life Care Association’s board of directors and CEO of LifeCare Advocates, shares 5 tips for encouraging a parent to go to healthcare appointments.
1. Understand their hesitation
Maybe your dad was raised to be stoic and show no signs of pain. For that or many other reasons, confronting his declining health could be anxiety-inducing. Many older adults experience fear about their physical and mental health as they age, whether it be about cancer, heart disease, or cognitive decline. They also may worry about burdening loved ones or facing the possibility of long-term care.
Or maybe it’s about control. As we age, we lose control over many things, including our health. And while it’s true no one has control over their genetics, many steps can improve overall health and quality of life, such as getting seven to nine hours of sleep each night, eating a healthy diet, engaging in regular exercise, and—you guessed it!—regular visits to the doctor.
Whether your father wants to look strong or feel like he has control left over his life, the first step in encouraging him to make an appointment is ensuring you understand his hesitation about going. Have an open and honest conversation to find out where he’s coming from so you can ease some of his fears.
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2. Make it relatable
Put your dad’s health care into his terms. If you’ve watched him limping for six months and know he loves to go golfing, ask him if he’s thought about how the doctor might help get him back on the links.
“You have to incentivize him,” Granigan advises. “It has to be meaningful. Don’t come at it from a ‘you must’ perspective, but rather a ‘I wonder if you’ve considered this’ perspective.”
And if he won’t consider it for himself, you could make it about the family. Use a prompt like, “If you don’t want to go to the doctor for yourself, then do it for us.” Offer to help schedule the appointment and drive him there on the day of.
3. Get creative
Maybe your dad’s problem isn’t the office visit itself, but rather the trouble it takes to get there. For example, if he’s got bad knees, traveling to an office on the far side of a hospital would be painful or uncomfortable. Or maybe he’s embarrassed about discussing aspects of his health in person. For instance, about 44% of men prefer talking about sexual health issues like erectile dysfunction over the phone or online.
In that case, suggest a creative approach: Bring the care into his home. Home options, such as visiting doctors or concierge medicine, are available in many areas—or for the tech-savvy pops out there, telehealth will allow him to see a healthcare provider straight from his phone.
RELATED: Guide to telehealth
4. Bring a friend
It’s a good idea to suggest to your father that—if he decides to go—he should bring two things with him to his provider’s office: a list of questions about any health concerns and a trusted person who can help take notes.
“Having someone attend as their note-taker and listener is a way to reduce stress because they won’t have to remember everything all at one time,” Granigan says.
You could also volunteer to go with him yourself. If you do join your father at his appointment, follow these tips:
- Come up with a plan: To be the best advocate, find out if your dad would like your help asking questions and communicating with his healthcare provider. He may be more comfortable with you staying in the waiting room—either way, you’re there for moral support and to be an ally.
- Bring a list of medications: Make sure your father lets his provider know all of the medications and supplements he’s taking—including prescription and over-the-counter drugs—along with their dosage and timing.
- Let your father lead: Unless he wants you to speak on his behalf, allow your dad to communicate with the healthcare provider directly. That means letting him answer questions and address concerns on his own. And if he asks for privacy, be sure to honor his wishes.
5. Honor his decision
Remember, you can’t force your parent to go to the doctor. As long as he has the cognitive ability and capacity to make his own decisions, you need to respect what he decides—even if it’s not the choice you’d make. It can be hard to accept, but that is the reality.
“It’s not our prerogative as an adult child to insist anyone does anything,” Granigan said. “Just because you reach a certain age doesn’t mean you regress back to being told what to do.”
If the situation is not an emergency, try giving your dad some space and revisiting the conversation in the future or enlisting a close loved one to follow up. And remember, the best approach is to come from a place of concern and love.
