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CORONAVIRUS UPDATE: As experts learn more about the novel coronavirus, news and information changes. For the latest on the COVID-19 pandemic, please visit the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
When the COVID-19 pandemic first emerged in early 2020, most of us assumed that it would all be over—or at least better under control—by fall. But here we are, in September, with no end in sight…and more decisions to make than ever about how to keep our families safe.
For many parents, this means reluctantly signing up for a continuation of last spring: working from home, managing distance learning or homeschooling with our kids, and keeping up with all our regular parenting duties, like cooking, cleaning, setting screen time limits, and breaking up sibling fights while managing our own mental health. They’re doing all that while managing the stress and fear of returning to in-person work and/or school. Fun times, right?! Yeah, not so much.
Understanding the ‘new normal’
It was two weeks into the March lockdown before I ended up sobbing into a towel in the bathroom so my kids couldn’t hear me break down. My husband and I were both working from home, constantly in each other’s way. Our three boys were with us 24/7, practically climbing the walls with cabin fever. We were terrified about the looming threat of COVID-19 but trying to hide those fears from our kids, exhausted by the effort of putting on brave, confident faces at the dinner table night after night.
Thankfully, we were already homeschooling pre-lockdown—or else I probably would have cracked under the pressure much sooner.
All across the United States, other families were doing the same exact thing. This was the “new normal”: spending every waking minute cooped up at home with your kids, trying to work from home (which you maybe never did before) and help them complete their virtual education (which you definitely never did before) at the same time.
Now, months later, the pandemic is still sticking around…and the “new normal” has now become the regular ol’ normal.
How parenting during a pandemic can affect your health
Spoiler alert: Pandemic life is much harder, more isolating, and more exhausting than anything you’ve likely ever done before as a parent. You probably don’t even realize what all the stress is doing to you, and you may not be taking good enough care of yourself.
The result? You could be heading for some major burnout.
“Burnout happens when someone gets so exhausted they no longer have the strength and ability to function at the same high level,” says Catherine Pearlman, Ph.D., family coach and the author of Ignore It! “When this happens to parents, they start to care less about issues that are typically important; they can become depressed, overwhelmed easily, and most importantly, unable to meet the needs of their children.”
And those are just the mental health effects! There are physical health effects of running on empty, too, including:
- Headaches and muscle aches
- Insomnia
- Anxiety or panic attacks
- Lack of energy
- Low libido
- Increased heart rate
- Gastrointestinal issues like heartburn, nausea, diarrhea, and constipation
- Increased risk of infection or illness
- Weight loss or gain
If you’ve experienced any of these mental or physical effects, it’s understandable…but it’s also time to take stock of your day-to-day schedule and see if you can make some changes.
“The old saying from flight attendants about making sure to put on your own oxygen mask before trying to help your children is apt during these times,” says Dr. Pearlman. “Parents cannot help their children, partners, friends, or coworkers [without first] meeting their own basic needs.”
How to cope with parenting while trying to work from home
You’re probably thinking, “Okay, but how am I supposed to make time for myself right now?” We won’t lie: It’s not easy! The following tips can help you set healthy boundaries with your family, coworkers, and yourself as you balance all your responsibilities.
Adopt block scheduling
Children thrive with consistency and structure, says Dr. Pearlman, so dividing your day up into blocks of time for meals, free play, screen time, bath and bed prep, and school or online learning helps kids know what to expect, reduces meltdowns, and helps parents feel more organized.
Pick your battles
As parents, we tend to feel like every little decision is important, but a pandemic is not the time to hold everyone (including yourself!) to super high standards. Dr. Pearlman says it’s 100% fine to break rules, change rules, and lighten up on expectations. You’ll feel less stressed—and so will your kids.
Don’t consistently burn the midnight oil
If you’re finding yourself catching up on work, homeschool planning, or chores every night after the kids go to sleep, you’re setting yourself up for burnout, says Dr. Pearlman: “This might work out for a few days [but] over time, the lack of care will take a toll on patience, cognition, and your ability to cope.” Set work and home life boundaries, and stick to them.
Take time outs
They’re not just for kids! Dr. Pearlman says everyone in the family should try to take a personal “time out” at least once a day, where they can have some space to recharge, be alone, and care for their basic needs.
Seek help if you need it
“If you’re feeling a lack of will to get up or are having difficulty helping your children with basic parenting tasks, it is a sign to find some help,” says Dr. Pearlman, “[in the form] of a partner, family member, or a trained therapist.”
The important thing to remember is you’re not alone—and this won’t go on forever, even though it may feel like that some days.
